Chrétien Hop

If the Catholick Church, plagued by case after case of child molestation and abuse, actually wanted to make their situation worse in the United States, they'd probably release a bloated, faux-scientific report denying that there was ever a problem at all. Lucky for them, they didn't do that. Instead they released a bloated, faux-scientific report saying that there was a problem with sexual abuse but it was only in the 60s,70s, and 80s and its all been straightened out, so to speak. The cause? The decadence and free spiritedness of the 1960s, of course! So it's your fault you fucking hippies. And by the way, while you are apologizing for your free-lovin' ways, you can also admit that these convicted clergymen are not pedophiles, because pedophilia is only when you want to fuck kids that are 10 or younger. Really, this is what the US Conference of Catholick Bishops believes. You can read the report for yourself.

In it, they also point the finger at other religions. Hey look! The Protestants are molesting underaged children also! Jehovah's Witnesses too, and I don't see THEM putting out any reports. And so the USCCB, on behalf of the Catholick Church wants to point out how responsible they are being by pointing out isolated incidents from decades past. Again, this is all in the PAST.

Of course, the spike in incidents from previous decades couldn't possibly be because the children being abused now are too scared to speak up, and will be for many, many years. And the sexual dysfunction of these creepy frockers could NEVER be caused by repressed homosexuality and forced celibacy.

Let's hold this institution responsible by not attending their schools, churches, activities, etc. And "institution" is really being nice: it's an ancient, glorified cult. The only difference between a cult and an organized religion is the number of sheep in the herd. It's time we plead for our friends and loved ones not to participate in it anymore. Not even "cultural" Catholicism. It's bad for humanity. It's bad for our town. I'm not even arguing about the lofty philosophical questions of God and such (that's another post). I am saying this is a subversive, corrupt organization that has far outlived its usefulness and we should all be tired of the excuses they make for their abuses.

Mary Sanchez is also pissed. But what I'm REALLY trying to say is...

Best Always, Dick Clark

My mom has spent the much of the last 12 months in a hospital or assisted living going through rehab for her broken hip. But her heart failure, diabetes, and immobility are really taking a toll on her will to keep fighting. This, in turn, takes a toll on her four children. She is back in her bedroom now in the apartment she shares with the oldest of my three sisters. I’ve been trying to talk to her as much as possible, to let her tell stories, if for no other reason than to pass some of them on to my daughter. But sometimes it’s the ones my mom doesn’t even mean to tell that are the most fascinating.

Since my father’s death in 2005 she has slowly jettisoned a lot of his material possessions. Some of that stuff fell, piece by piece, into my possession including (but not limited to): some paper-thin long-sleeve Ely Western-style shirts (pearl buttons!), 2 sets of mounted steer horns, a jean jacket and a small black suitcase with a lot of his personal effects from the army. After moving from a house into an apartment, my mom has started to give away some of the relics of her past as well. One thing she recently gave me was a piece of paper with Dick Clark’s autograph:

Best Always, Dick Clark

with the “Always” deformed by a single drop of liquid. I turned over the rectangular slip of paper to see that it was from a receipt book. $35 for rent of 5C3. October 21^st, 1972-October 28^th 1972.

“Who is Mr. Stephan, and why did you have his weekly rent receipt?”

“Oh, ha, well… I was with…um…a family friend, his wife, when we met Dick Clark. I didn’t have anything for him to autograph but she had that rent receipt in her purse. Richard Stephan…he went to jail for a long time.”

I perked up. “For what?”

“Well…he picked up a hooker. For one reason or another, she wouldn’t do what he wanted. So he shot her.”

“Shot her!? Killed her?”

“No, no, just in the leg. But the funny thing is, he had already driven her to the police station, telling her that he was a cop. He threatened to book her if she didn’t do, well, whatever it was he was asking. She tried to jump out of the car and he shot her.”

“Wow. Creepy.” And incredibly stupid. It turns out, Dick Clark has the second most interesting signature on this slip of paper.